He repairs, He repairs

This is the email I just sent out to family and friends regarding something that has been going on in my life. But thanks to Frank Weller at SLCC for giving us the whole meal for those of us who braved the snow and showed up to hear him preach.

Hi everyone,

As many of you may or may not know I have been dealing with a medical problem for a year and a half now. I was diagnosed with cervical dysplasia and have had two surgeries in the past year to remove the abnormal cells. My last surgery was in August and my first of three rechecks was on November 12th. I have to have 3 clear rechecks before being able to go back to seeing my Dr. only once or twice a year. As luck would have it – this recheck too came back with abnormalities. However my Dr. said I tested negative for HPV. What this means, well we aren’t really sure yet. He is having the pathologist look at the results from my last surgery (a LEEP surgery) to compare with the new results. Once he has heard back from the pathologist then he will let me know. And from there we will know what my options are and if another surgery is in my future or what.

This has not only been a mental and physical strain but a financial one as well. We meet my deductible with the first surgery in February and then meet my out of pocket expenses with the second surgery. So if I am to have another surgery in this upcoming year it will most likely be a repeat of the same. Which of course adds to my mental strain and frustration about this whole situation.

As I sat in church this morning and prayed at communion, yes we braved the snowy roads in Lansing to attend church where we were, I prayed for peace of mind. I can’t do anything about what my body will do but I can stop worrying about it. I have asked that God take my worries and mental frustration about this away many times over the past year. I’ve asked for His will to be done many times and this month has been a trial on my patience and peace. It seems that some small thing will cause me to get mad, be upset or get worried all over again. This month it was that it took the lab a month the get the results back, after being told 7 – 10 days was typical. To find out on Wednesday from my Dr. that the results were faxed over Saturday. But they were found on the fax at 3:12 p.m. Monday when I called to inquire if the results were back yet. To then have to wait until Wednesday for the results because my Dr. was working in the hospital on Tuesday. And of course evidently no one else in the office could read them or interpret what they said to tell me what the results were.

But this morning I had one of those “Aha!” moments. After communion was over we sang “The glory of it all” by David Crowder. There was one spot in particular that really hit me – “And after all falls apart, He repairs, He repairs”. Of course after having prayed for my medical situation as well as my Dr. and the pathologist and for peace of mind. It was one of those “let go and let God” moments to use a phrase from Pastor Bob. I will be fine no matter what happens because it is God’s will for my life. But a little prayer never hurt any situation.

Love to all,
In HIS service,
Jennifer

Here is the video of The Glory of it all in this link if the embed is not working again.

So how'd it go......

you might be asking yourself after finding out I was leading the worship portion of the Discovery Planet class on Sunday? Well aside from the fact that my voice is out of whack from allergies - yes in November, darn global warming! It went well. We have a clean up song and luckily I didn't have to sing that one in this class - just play a "follow me" game with clapping. I did better and was more creative second service than first but it was fun. I wasn't leading the whole shebang - which was a BIG relief for me. But still its nervewracking to be on mic for the first time all by yourself. I knew the songs which helped tons and the kids seemed to really have fun. A lot of the other people told me I did a good job. Which is always nice to hear.

But my big ego boost for the day wasn't from leading. It was from the small group leader looking at me crazy when I said I had kids - 3 of them. A little background - on the worship team I am the oldest besides the room leaders. Everyone else is in middle or high school and one in college. Now I'm only 27, but one of the guys in high school was flabbergasted when I said I was that old. He told me he'd thought I was his age. Then I stunned him with the whole I have 3 kids thing on Sunday as well. :D But that goes back to my making the small group leader look crazy. She commented on my being all sparkly - it works, the kids know who I am when I have it on! I told her how there is a Kindergarten girl who goes to my girls school and always sees me and I am known as the glitter lady. Not Becca's mom, not the lady with the girls in our small group, not the half mile club lady - but the "glitter lady". Our small group leader in DP looked and me and said 'girls? you can't have kids yet!?!?!'. I said 'yeah one in here and 2 in Cosmic blast'. She asked how old I was and when I said 27 she was like 'noooo'. She then told me that she would have put my age at 19 or 20. :D So when I told this to my fellow worship team member it threw him for a loop too. Like I said he thought I was his age. Evidently I don't look as old as I am. hehehe The funny thing is that I had to bring my kids with me to one practice and I wonder if they thought they were my neices or little sisters if they didn't think I had kids. I had one of the girls comment on my name tag which has my last name on it - both of them as it is hypenated. She thought it was a long last name and asked how to pronounce it. Didn't want ot stun them all with the fact that I'm older, married and have kids all at once. LOL

Needless to say it made me feel good to know that not only do I still feel like I am a teenager but I look like one when I do. It just makes me giggle that people thought the girls were not mine - trust me there are days that I wish someone else would claim them because they are being brats. But they are mine and I love them and they are the big reason that I am doing what I am doing on the worship team. This way when they start singing one of their songs from class I can sing along now. ;) Just to embarass them cuz thats what us moms do best right?

WOW

This was sent to me in an email because of the well, because of the power the message has. Enjoy!

Fun you say.......

So last Sunday Adventureland had their Open House for parents to see how the kids worship on Sundays. Was this a big deal you ask? You bet your sweet bippy it was! It meant that not only did we need to be there on time (not a prob for me) but we also had to pay extra attention to our details that we'd do every week. Read - I wore more glitter. :D I was snagged to be in Cosmic Blast the 2/3 grade room - with awesome music. So I knew that there would be parents who know me outside of church in that room as many of my kids friends from school attend our church. After everything was said and done first service one mom approached me and said that her daughter, who is firends with my middle child in 2nd grade, said she was so proud of me on stage. The mom went on to say how good I was and that she could never have done something like that. I do have to say it takes a little bit of talent, a lot of drama and flair and confidence. I'm working on the confidence part but I've got the other stuff in spades. I just LOVE being on the stage for the kids and the songs are fun to sing along with. I have another little girl in Discovery Planet the K/1 grade room that knows me outside the church as well. She is sooooo cute - she calls me the glitter lady. :) I'm not Becca's mom (my 1st grader) or the Half Mile Club lady (my job at the school) but the glitter lady from my Sunday mornings in Discovery Planet. But after the first week or so on stage I was treated to the "I know you! You go to my church and I saw you on stage last week." Type of 'celebrity' spottings from the kids at the school.

So today I find myself with a message from Celeste the wworship leader in Discovery Planet. I'm in both quite often depending on how many people know the songs and who needs more people. The message on my machine was to ask if I'd be willing to lead the songs in Discovery Planet this Sunday. YIKES! Remember what I said about confidence? Right, working on it. So why not dive right in here, sure why not. She asked me to do this because she is in Florida at the moment and if I am understanding right will not be back by Sunday morning. Thankfully they are songs that I already know and are really easy. One of the nicer things about Discovery Planet - the songs teach themselves, meaning they explain the movements in the song. Easy right? My main problem is that with the nice weather we are having in Michigan - nice meaning NO snow yet- my allergies are still acting up. Despite having frost twice already the darn weather keeps warming back up and I am a frog literally most mornings. So we will see how well I am talking let alone singing come Saturday night in preparation for Sunday morning. I'll keep you posted on how Sunday goes.

Oh and my kitten Jack is back to his healthy obnoxious self once again. Oops forgot to give him his meds last night.....better get on that soon.

When it rains it pours.........

So things were going great for a while. Then one of my good friends tells me "I'm fighting with our mutual friend and I'm ending the friendship with her." To sum up her words that is. The mutual friend was one she dragged me into a friendship with in the first place. Who I hadn't heard from in almost a month. Unusual for her as she used to call me every day when bored to talk. So I am trying to go to bed early on that Saturday evening to get up early on Sunday for worship team in Adventureland. And she calls me - the mutual friend - again and again until I simply pray for her to leave me alone so I can sleep. It worked then I am on my way to the church and I get a call from her again....and again once I am at the church and again roughly 10 minutes before we are set to start. What she tells me upsets me so much that there is no way I could be the bubbly happy person I normally am onstage. So I found one of my fellow worship team members and asked her to pray for me. We did - it worked in 5 minutes it was off my mind and I was smiling. I still haven't talked to the friend since but she is doing worse than she was then. Sadly I think she has hit rock bottom - something I prayed that she would do because I think it is the only thing that will snap her out of her problems - or so I hope.

But the worse part all happened this week and then my kitten got sick. :( He was fine Wednesday night and playing like normal. He seemed a little sluggish on Thursday morning. Then we noticed he was throwing up, not eating and having problems going potty. I watched him all day long to see if he'd get better. He was pitiful. We ended up taking him to the animal ER in my area and they wanted $500 to do tests and x-rays on him as well as meds and their normal $75 fee just for being there. EEK! Yeah there was no way I could do that as much as I wanted to find out what was wrong with him I don't have that much money set aside for anything. So the next estimate came back at $196. Closer to my price range. However, no testing or x-rays done. Just fluids and antibiotics and the feline leukemia testing. He was negative for that. So bye-bye Christmas money to save my kitten who still isn't eating today. But he isn't vomiting either. So we have improvement! I'm praying for him to get better as he is only 3.5 months old. He's sleeping right now and not liking being cooped up in my room -but its easier to clean one room than to have him have the run of the house.

I'm trying to kill myself......

So I have finally started working at the school on Mondays and Fridays - yay!!! But that s not what is going to kill me. So I've been on every weekend since the fall kickoff in the kids area for worship team. With the exception of one weekend that I ran away for the annual womens retreat with SLCC. This past weekend I was in the K-1 room because I got my pick of rooms this week. And well tuth be told I was unsure of the motions for the main song in the 2-3 room. Didn't matter - they were short frist service. So I was in there with a quick run through before starting and in the wrong shirt (lol). I only messed up once - not too bad. But man that song.....Click here"Everyday" by Hillsong Kids is the version we use but I can't find it on youtube.com. The difference is the kids version is faster and TONS of jumping and other handmotions. So after doign this and sitting on the stage singing "Shout to the Lord", I then had to quick run to the K-1 room and do "We're all singing". Which of course was even MORE jumping!!!! Don't get me wrong I LOVE being on the worship team but man am I out of shape for this kind of stuff.

Then I am walking with a friend in the mornings to get exercise. 4 miles to be exact. Tuesday after walking in the morning my other friend came and got me (read kidnapped me) for lunch and shopping at Walmart. SO guess how many miles I ended up walking that day?!?! 5, wait 6, no 4.5. Wrong a total of 8.5 miles. My shins were/are still killing me.

On to other things. My kitten now has worms. And I am now seeing how paying $100 to adopt a kitten is worth it because I'll pay at least that to get his shots, flea and deworming meds soon. >.<

New family member......

So a while back I was watching my friends cats while she was looking for a place to live. Loved the kitties. The grey tiger striped one is Zelda and the white and black is Otis. She got a place finally and her kitties went home *cries*. But she told me that she would pay me back for watching them and that she really appreciated it. So I got the call from her two days ago - she had a kitten for me. Mind you I've never had a cat of my own let alone a kitten. I have a cat now. But he is my sister-in-laws cat, who fell on some hard times and could not afford to feed the cats, dog and herself at the time. All the animals went to family/friends. We still have hers simply because I don't know why at this point any more. So last night I got to bring home my new little orange fluffy bundle. Its 6 almost 7 weeks old, all orange - just different shades, and is playing and bouncing all over the place in the room its staying in right now. I keep saying it - we were told it was a girl, my friend said she looked and thinks its a boy. One of my other friends sent me very helpful links to be able to tell and I am now thinking that it is a boy. And again I'm still calling it 'it'. We have no name for him. The family is fighting over the name ideas at this time. But I thought pumpkin this morning would work well - all the girls agree. But my hubby says 'no'. Come on its and orange cat! My brother suggested Garfield or Orange Cat. Hubby suggested bass, sub and I jokingly threw in woofer. How did we come up with these ones you ask. Well the dog (Birdy) scared the crap outta the kitty when we brought him home. So with him scared of Birdy then my other cat and he had a hissy fit - literally. So he hid under my hubby's computer desk on the -you guessed it - subwoofer. So at this point I'm calling it pumpkin.

Still waiting to hear about the job at the school. Which stinks as I was to sub next week once I was processed. Not happening now. However I have a twice a month job at the church watching the staff members kids during their meetings. The non-school age ones that is. I don't know how that will work. And its a paid position! So I get gas money and some spending money -yay.

Things that make you go EEEKKKKK!

So this past week was interesting. Wednesday kicked off the Women's small group (for those meeting Wednesday that is). I stuck with the same group because we were continuing our study. We did the Neighborhood Bible Study book on Mark last time and this time we are doing Acts (book 1 s.g.). I stuck with it because even though I have read the Bible I have never really studied it for any given purpose. So I thought I'll start at the basic sort of "Bible for Dummies" class - not that it was mind you. It was more the easier class of them all for those who had never studied the Bible before - ie. me the dummy. Well this time around we have a new leader (one of the old ones is still there) becauset they combined the Acts class with the Discovering the Bible class. I like this even though we are basically doing 2 studies at the same time. Why? you may ask. Well at our home church there is one Sunday School class that not only goes over the books in the Bible but goes over the History of Christianity. This other study is along those lines. I loved being in the class and learning about how things were decided and when people were persecuted in our timeline. It made it that much more real to me. But as I noticed - the only two from the Mark session were me and our leader. So this will be interesting to meet new women if they stay with us this time.

Thursday came and I was at the school that morning to make copies of our school newsletter and do some lamenating for teachers that needed it as we haven't gotten the schedule done for those volunteers yet. But that was my big thing until that evening when I had my very first Worship team practice. We got our copies of the songs and shirts for all areas that we may be working in. Then we did some practice songs. For me it was a workout, but I LOVED it. So I took home my cd to practice to and realized I knew maybe 2 songs on it and had no words for the others. So I sat and transcribed the ones I could and looked up the others online.

Friday was the volunteer meeting at the school. I roped a new kindergarten mom into working with me in the Motor Moms & Dads program. Didn't mean to put her on the spot but its so easy to do this one program. You just go when you kid is in school and you set your own schedule of volunteer time. We train you - how hard could it be. It really isn't all that hard. Really.

Saturday was family time and Sunday was the kids kickoff of the new year. It was my first morning as worship leader. By worship leader I mean I was more of an extra on the stage. I had my own little stage actually and I sang, sans mic, and danced/did the motions to the songs for both services. I was complimented by both teachers on who well I did and how good I looked. Yay because I was scared even though I wasn't going to show it. I just put on a smile and got up there and had fun. Besides when can I get to spend time playing with legos with a bunch of kids and then get up and dance and sing?

Its school time again.....

So we are finishing up the first week of school today ........ok so my caffene has kicked in! hehe Anyways as I'm a PTO board member we had our first official board meeting yesterday. And I have gotten involved in even more things this year again (*mental note - start getting there as the meeting starts so they ask someone else...LOL) But this is the first morning that I have not been at the girls school for any reason. The last two mornings I was there for the kindergarten bus kids. But really this isn't a big deal as I don't have to work around my youngest being home this year - she is in first grade now. Man they grow fast. So I have tons of free time. But I now have a potentiol job at the school and am just waiting to hear back from the mom in charge - literally - our principals kids go there too. But she is cool. Its only part-time but its better than nothing at this point in time.

And then when I went to post this it made me log back in and I lost the rest of this blog.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! So lets see how much I remember of what I wrote here....

Our big project of the last few weeks has been getting our oldest into her own room in our house. This entailed moving the computers out of that room and into the living room; finding a new home for our loveseat couch; and me sorting through lots of crap that I had in the computer room, living room and my bedroom to make room for it all in my bedroom. So it also meant rearranging my room too. But I was happy about that part of it. But we got a free frame and box springs for her and just had to buy a mattress. Gotta love freecycle.org! Its the sorting of my stuff and getting rid of things that is the hard part for me. I've heard a lot about Pack Rats Anonymous lately......

Tonight I have new volunteer meeting for our church. I will be a worship leader in the 2/3 grade room. Which means I get to sing and jump around for the kids, run games, etc. I'm excited, my voice isn't that great but the other mom who is the only worship leader at this time said neither is hers - so I feel so much better about this than I did before. We won't start the new year until the 16th but again I'm excited. I chuckled because we also got a call about sheparding in the K/1 room where my youngest is. I can't do both and my hubby says he doesn't think he could handle it. Something along the lines of "my parents made too many commitments when we were kids and were always stretched thin." Doesn't matter that you set your availability schedule - he still says no. Oh well, what to do. I feel like this is the best place for us and that I am as at home here as I am in Lansing at South. But he is reluctant to commit to even being a member of the church because of the above reason. One to better and brighter things.....

My women's small group (Bible study) kicks off this week Wednesday so I am happy to see my friends from last years group again. I have always noticed that I glean more from the Bible through Bible studies. So I am looking forward to that and the Women's retreat at the end of this month throught SLCC. Well better get back to cleaning.....

A doh! moment and then fun......

So first things first - its not a water gasket - its a water pump...... I keep calling it the wrong thing and I was doing so well in showing my knowledge of cars up til that last paragraph too. Needless to say this is my doh! moment for the week.

This past Friday my church, Oak Pointe, had what they called Drivefest. A combo of a drive-in, with the movie cars, and a festival. We had classic cars outside to look at, the food cooking and inside was the face painting, movie, bounce houses in the sanctuary/gym area among other things for the kids of all ages to do. we even had a rock climbing wall. But at 6 pm the rain hit and we were under a tornado warning so everything but the cars got moved inside. I had a blast working the last shift of face painting. One of the first things I painted was a spiderman face - it wasn't my best work, but he enjoyed it. Then I had a woman ask to be a dalmation puppy - a girl puppy. She kept me on my toes and it was a blast making her up. She also mentioned that she was taking a picture of it to put on her myspace page. And I realized later I should have asked her myspace address so I could see, since she came back and took some other pictures of me doing someone elses face.

Then today we went to service and it was just me and the girls as Mike was at out home church, South Lansing Christian Church, to do some wells and water samples after service for the new pole barn they are putting up. Well I latched onto the aunt on one of the girls friends and sat with her. Here I am thinking it was an off day for my singing and she told me I sang beautifully. Now I'm not great or anything, I'm a second soprano and was in the choir at SLCC. But every now and then I have good moments in singing where I just lose myself and it sounds good. Today must have been one of those days. But I am usually better in the crowd than by myself - or so I think. It also helps when I am really familiar with the songs we are singing. And today was like being at home - they were some of the favorites that were and are sung often at SLCC.

So after service she was trying to hook me up with and intro to one of our many gutarists at church to possibly join the choir at OPC. Well I'd been thinking about getting into one of the positions with the childrens ministry and the aunt was talking to the director of that ministry - because they are recruiting people heavily for the new school year. And wouldn't you know it she was talking me up as this amazing singer. So now I've been signed up as a possible worship leader for the kids. Long story short. LOL It'll be fun and I don't think they will be too critical of my voice when I have an off day.

I tell you my van hates me.......

Its time for a trade in I decided roughly a month ago when the driver's side door handle broke. Still opens from the inside which is good considering that the passenger's side does neither anymore. Have I mentioned I own a piece of crap van? We've had the van since 2001, its a 1995 chevy lumina van. Or as the back end now says hevy umin. Think this but in white.


Roughly in 2002 the passenger handle broke but could still be opened from the inside. My hubby fixed it for roughly a month and then it was only ot be opened from the inside again. Now you may think thats not enough to have a vehicle hate you - theres more. Christmas eve 2003 driving to home for parties that night we get to literally within a mile from my in-laws, turn onto the street and have to pull to the side of the road because my (I can't remember which it was but I think its this one) driveshaft on the passenger side went. Luckily we got the part that afternoon before the store closed But were late to the party as we had to borrow a vehicle to get there.

Christmas 2004 blew a spark plug or two. Driving both vehicles to Lansing and hubby was ahead of me when I hear a ticking noise and am having trouble accelerating. So I get in far right lane to pull over if I have too and sure enough the ticking becomes a pop. We get part, get it fixed on side of road and on our way in 40 minutes. Only to find out later that I actually blew another one when a good friend was replacing the wires and the rest of the plugs for me. Replaced the battery at least once in the mean time here.

Feburary 2005 front tireS go flat while driving my boss home. Find out that when the spare houseing rusted out and the spare fell out from under my van that a few rocks lodged themselves in the tire. Making it useless. May 2005 the slight chip in my windshield is now a crack across and needs to be repaired. Also had a power steering leak.

2006 - Drivers side window won't roll down any more - motor died; November a drunk walks through my yard and falls against the driver side view mirror - breaking the backing off it; replaced battery again; and over the summer my ac went.

2007 - My new windshield (from 2005) is now leaking at the caulk - causing my steering wheel column to get soaked after a good rain storm; now have a leak in the radiator hose; driver's side door handle breaks. And lastly in the most recent crap my van has given me - I blew the water gasket and ribboned my drive belt getting to a place to park. That was this past Sunday.

Visit home.....

Went home to Lansing today to pick up the girls from my in-laws house. And to bbq at the sis-in-laws house and remove the fallen tree. We went up in time to attend our home church, South Lansing Christian Church for Sunday School and Worship. Sunday School there is always a pleasure to attend. Ray Lund teaches on just about everything not just strictly sticking to the bible, but sometimes venturing into Christian history. Today we studied II Timothy 3 and as always I learned something knew and have almost a full page of notes.

I then got to hear one of the first messages by the new minister Frank Weller. It was on what was expected of us Christians as the Church body and good Christians. All about the hows and whys of seeking God in our lives, the reasons we fail sometimes and ways to succeed. But the thing that stuck with me the most was the "key" to seeking God of the message. It is love. As Frank so greatly put it our love for God needs to be proclaimed out loud. He gave the example of Tom Cruise on Oprah's couch professing his love for Katie Holmes. That our proclamation of our love for God should be along those lines - out loud, unashamed, unrelenting and for everyone to hear. Just what I needed to hear this weekend. It touched on something I didn't know I was needing. I love when worship sermons do that.

Back home now and glad that I have air conditioning. It was to darn hot today! But the girls do need to be outside in this. They are spoiled in the fact that their school is the only elementary in their district that has a/c. I am torn at the thought that we as kids could run free in our neighborhoods and be safe. Our parents didn't worry about us being out and about. But that feeling is gone, predators are known to live in your neighborhood and nothing feels safe anymore. Whats a mother to do?

And now its bedtime as I plan to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow and start running.

Summer vacation.......

Just seems to suck the life out of me. I don't get it but I am soooooooo tired and its not like I am the one who is out on school break either. I really don't get it. We have been relaxing and not doing much, other than the stray summer birthday party here and there. Many trips to the library for reading material and an upcoming visit to Greenfield Village. But the girls are getting that cooped up feeling.Playing outside doesn't calm them down as much as it used to which frustrates me to no end. But I think what is getting to me is the endless 'can so-and-so spend the night?' It always is during the week - which means I have to stay up to make sure they go to sleep at a good time. Never happens. Evidently my oldest claims to have stayed up until 3 am last night. I gave up at 11 pm after going into the room twice. God I can't wait for school to start back up for them. Only 25 more days!!!!

But on to other things. This past Sunday at church we went over a passage from Philippians and our youth pastor did the sermon. He talked about heroes in his life and asked who the heroes were in our lives. This brought to mind my youth pastor from High school. I may not have been on the right path at the time but he worked hard at getting me there. I was still trying to be the bad girl that I thought I was at the time and trying to get to church as often as possible when work didn't get in the way. But I loved listening to what he had to teach us. I hated being put on the spot for skits but I tried my best and had fun. Even with the silly things like crazy sock night - I won of course. But that is what made the connection for me at the time - the fun of learning new things in a different way. He left the church the same year I joined the one my in-laws attended. But he is teaching still - just in a different capacity as a High school english teacher in his home state. So if he ever reads this I just want to say thanks Thurman for teaching me the path I should be on even if it took a while to stick.

My Niece

Well my brother and his wife finally had their baby - a girl. There are now 6 girl granddaughters on my dad's side of the family between me, Matt and my stepbrother's kids. WOW thats a lot of pink. LOL

So I went to visit and to see my very first niece ever! And while I was there I found something out about my brother and sister-in-law.....they have been going to church. This was music to my ears. If you have read my story about how I became a Christian then you know that I was attending with my stepbrother. Well so was my brother for a short time, well as long as my stepbrother was taking us that is. But when he got married it was on outdoor ceremony with a female minister and I'm not sure what denomination. But we come from the Catholic background and his wife is from the Baptist background and they found one of the non-denom churches in the area to attend with family. So that is awesome and I am loving knowing that my brother will be in Heaven with me. He said it was a little weird. Kept waiting for the stand up, sit down, kneel, sing a hymn, etc. to occur and it didn't. But the music is more contemporary - which he claims is weird. I told him the service is better when it feels like you are at a concert. Or at least that is how I've been enjoying it lately. I love upbeat music that I can dance to at service. I'm not one to raise my hands in praise unless REALLY moved and neither is my brother. Must be the Catholic in us or something. I clap, was in the choir at my old church and tap my feet to the beat.

But needless to say I was very happy to hear that my brother is on his journey to the God too, with his wife and their new baby. It really made my day. :)

Things that make you go hmmm.......

So this morning I was working on my Bible study guide for the book of Mark. And I was reading Mark 11:17-18 and had some thoughts on why the chief priests and scribes reacted the way they did. For those not familiar with the verses - Then He taught, saying to them "Is it not written, 'My house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations'? But you have made it a 'den of thieves.'" And the scribes and chief priests heard it and sought how they might destroy Him, because all the people were astonished at His teaching.

I read that and while answering my study guide questions thought "what if they sought to destroy Him because they believed, even in some small capacity, and knew that there was no way to save themselves because they were too comfortable in their ways?" Now go with me on this - they believed but had no faith in their belief. They knew their wrong doings against Jesus and the manipulations they had wrought over man with the 'man-made laws of God'. To ask for forgiveness and to follow Him was certain death. But to plot His death saved their way of life, or so they thought and believed. So even if they believed in the slightest they feared for their life more than they could have faith that He would save them from their sins.

If there is anyone who is reading my blog I welcome comments on this. I didn't write it to argue the point. It was just a thought that popped into my head while reading earlier and thought I'd ponder it a bit longer.

Well that explains it......

So yesterday was Palm Sunday and having gone before to Palm Sunday services Ive never had it explained to me. Or at least not as well as Pastor Bob Shirock did from Oak Pointe Church, where we have been attending lately. Simply put the sermon was on 'what the heck are the palm fronds for that you get on Palm Sunday?' Being relatively new to the Bible I have a hard time remembering things unless I reread them or write them down a few times. But I don't remember reading that the people came out to greet Jesus like he was a visiting King. Or that the palm fronds were to line the streets so that his feet or those of the donkey/colt would not touch the ground. In essence their version of the red carpet for royalty.

I thought that was pretty awesome. As well as the other things that I learned yesterday. That and the music ROCKED yesterday. As in I felt like I was at a concert for the first part of service and not at church. We are of the more contemporary persuasion at OPC. I loved it and sang along as loudly and as in tune as my voice would allow. :) If you are interested in hearing the message that Pastor Bob gave yesterday it will be on their website soon or on iTunes. The website is www.oakpointe.org or look for Oak Pointe Church's podcast on iTunes.

And so goes my store.....

Well a quick trip out today shopping for dress clothes finally ended at 6:30. We found out that the CompUSA by us is closing on Monday. This meant we were drawn to it to find out what deals they had as we had to go in for Mike's work items.......it was all over then. What a nice deal on the external hard drive......well maybe. Iomega brand, 320 gig at $135 after the discount. Pretty sure that was a decent deal but don't tell me if you find one - external or internal for cheaper - I'll have to kick you. That wasn't the only thing - a Logitech G15 keyboard, back-ups for the computer and a few other little things were included in this trip. And so my fully paid off visa is now once again carrying a balance. But it was worth it to get at least a slight deal on some of these items.

So its not exactly a faith blog but its another thing I struggle with. Money. The root of all evil for me most days. If I have it I will spend it. Which we did today. Mike sat there and struggled with himself and the decision to get a new keyboard, a better one that would work with his music instead of trying to find a mod for in-game purposes. Yes, we are gaming geeks and proud of it. Finally after just looking at him and waiting for his decision I picked it up before anyone else could. It has its' drawbacks - no box, software, wrist rest or feet to prop it up with - but its an awesome gaming keyboard. So now he is getting used to it and I am so jealous right now. Even though I have his old Saitek keyboard now. Its not to shabby and much better than the second hand one I was using.

And now its off to the land of dreams for me or at least the land of books before dreaming because I have to get up relatively early tomorrow for second service at 11 am.


Listening To: Beastie Boys - "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn"

The Story Part 2....

Things went smoothly until we moved away 5 years ago. Then it became "we go when we can to church". Which wasn't always working for me. I was involved in the church and continued to to so until about 2.5 years ago. My husband started to get bored with the home church. Started to feel it wasn't the right place for us and started to just not want to go. I agreed to it and suffered in silence until I got baptized. I thought and thought about the decision for over 3 years and still hadn't done it. I'd kept hearing the song "Jesus take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood almost every time we went somewhere. I'd heard it that morning before we went to church. And of course as if it was planned the sermon was on baptism that day. God was talking to me, saying "dummy its time. stop fighting me."

I was sitting alone because my mother-in-law had been on stage and hadn't seen me when she came in to sit. My father-in-law and husband were back in the Sunday school class we went to talking with the teacher as had become their habit. They did that instead of attending service and claimed to get more from those talks than attending service. Moving on...So I went up at the end of service and one of the wonderful men show knew me, my family and had kids my age who had been in youth group with my husband forever greeted me. I was shaking and nervous, knowing I'd be making a BIG decision in my life on the spur of the moment. No one knew I was going to do this. And out of all my family there - only my mother-in-law saw it. Well other than the 200+ fellow church members in attendance that day who were in the sanctuary. I felt so much better after having done it. The weight was lifted and I knew I was forgiven of my sins totally even after praying and asking for it many times over.

The kicker was my husband didn't see it, didn't see my wet hair and couldn't figure out why people kept coming up to me (more than normal that is) and hugging me. He felt like a dunce once I told him and said I should have told him I was going to do it. DUH, had he been in service that day in the first place, since it was a spur of the moment thing he would have seen it and known when I went up. But then again had he been there and everyone been sitting with me I probably never would have. But I forgive him for being silly and thinking I'd decided beforehand and just hadn't told him.

Then gas prices rose to almost $3.00/gallon and that ended our hour drive for church when we went. I knew that if I got off track again I’d be lost once again. So I started looking for a church locally. My husband was and is still not totally back into being at church. So the first one I went to was when he was away and the kids and I went. We enjoyed it. But he wondered where we were when he came back home that morning early as a surprise. We attended there again with him a few weeks later and he was iffy. We tried about 3 other churches and I kept coming back to that one. It was the closest to the home church as we were going to get. I’d had my father-in-law looks at their beliefs and give me his opinion on the church from what he saw. That was a huge step there to take. J So now I’m attached and the kids are too, especially since they have school friends in their classes there. He is still on the fence. I keep praying about it and hoping God will work in him to show him it’s the right place. But I don’t think he is open to it. He questions things and has no problem going on Sunday because he knows he should and its good for the kids to attend church weekly. But he is still looking for something else.

It frustrates me but I need the structure or I’ll fall to the wayside. I know I need to support his decision as a good wife but how do I do that when I feel he isn’t leading us to the right place? I’ve made friends with people other than parents of my kids friends. I need these people in my life to stay on the right path. They help me to find my way.

So thats it. This is about my struggle and my journey with my faith and family. I'm sure I'll end up posting some rants about my kids - it keeps me form wanting to do something that is shouldn't. I love them but they know how to push the wrong buttons.

Listening To: Decemberadio - "Drifter"

The story......

So I was sidetracked the other day and when I came back to the blog I'd lost my train of thought. But I'm back today and think I'm on the right train. haha This is going to have to be told in chunks or else it will be one big long blog posting.

So I am a Christian, raising my kids in a Christian church, with a Christian family on one side and Catholic on the other. My journey started when I was in high school and a good friend invited me to youth group. Simple enough right. But to backtrack a little, it truly stated with a Christian club called Visions in my hometown. I started going with my step-brother and it was fun. We had music for the first few hours and then the last hour was a small bible study/lesson. Each week someone would get up and tell their story of how they became a Christian, how their life was before and after and how they walk the walk now while fighting obstacles. It was what I needed. then my step-brother started attending the church that was associated with the club and whenever possible I tagged along. I was seeking but it wasn't my place yet.

This is where my friend comes in. I'd known Josh since freshman year and he and I hung out a lot. He invited me to his youth group on Wednesday night and I thought - why not? So I went and found I knew a few people there and not just from my old school. There were people from my new school and other schools as well. But it felt like the right place for me. I love the bible lessons we learned and even acting out things thanks to the goofy youth minister. He never thought about that person being embarrassed about being put on the spot. If you were there you did something. Ii was great. I started attending church there and loved it even if it wasn't the Catholic church service I was used to. But it was where all my good friends were.

Enter the boyfriend/ future husband and fellow Christian believer. I invite him to attend with me and he finds it ok but its not the right place for him. So I end up moving over to his church and youth Sunday school. But I'm still going to my youth group when I can if I'm not working. This new church becomes my church home in 1999 when we got married. My kids were dedicated here and we continued to attend for 5 years after we moved an hour away. Its even where I finally got baptized a little over a year ago. I love the people there, I miss the people there and the connection we have. And now I have to try and find that over again.

Now here is the background of my life up until the baptism. I am from a family that was Catholic. I say was because we went to church up until I was in 4th grade. i had my first communion, went to CCD, Sunday school and mass weekly. Then something happened and we stopped going. In 6th grade my parent split, but got back together in 7th grade and we moved. This is where my troubles started. I met a guy who I thought the world of, and older guy who liked me and would hang out with me. At the age of 13 one summer day things went to far. And not thinking anything of it I continued living like that for a long time. A very long time. It took another good friend of mine making a promise with me to wait until marriage the straighten me out. That and my parents divorcing, giving me the opportunity to move away and start over. That was sophomore year the divorce happened and by the end of that year I moved in with my mom.

I knew I needed something more in my life and that came during the time between the divorce and my moving. I found my faith. I also realized that where I was wasn't the best place or situation for me to be in. This is where Visions and my friend come in.

Bear with me.....

So this is my first posting on my new and official blog. I'm bored and wanted something to do. :) I feel as though I have lost my way once again - hence my title for this blog. I thought I was on the right path but I'm not so sure now with the things that have happened. Time to reevaluate things and life and figure it out. But more on that later as I have to get ready to head to school in a few minutes.