Things went smoothly until we moved away 5 years ago. Then it became "we go when we can to church". Which wasn't always working for me. I was involved in the church and continued to to so until about 2.5 years ago. My husband started to get bored with the home church. Started to feel it wasn't the right place for us and started to just not want to go. I agreed to it and suffered in silence until I got baptized. I thought and thought about the decision for over 3 years and still hadn't done it. I'd kept hearing the song "Jesus take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood almost every time we went somewhere. I'd heard it that morning before we went to church. And of course as if it was planned the sermon was on baptism that day. God was talking to me, saying "dummy its time. stop fighting me."
I was sitting alone because my mother-in-law had been on stage and hadn't seen me when she came in to sit. My father-in-law and husband were back in the Sunday school class we went to talking with the teacher as had become their habit. They did that instead of attending service and claimed to get more from those talks than attending service. Moving on...So I went up at the end of service and one of the wonderful men show knew me, my family and had kids my age who had been in youth group with my husband forever greeted me. I was shaking and nervous, knowing I'd be making a BIG decision in my life on the spur of the moment. No one knew I was going to do this. And out of all my family there - only my mother-in-law saw it. Well other than the 200+ fellow church members in attendance that day who were in the sanctuary. I felt so much better after having done it. The weight was lifted and I knew I was forgiven of my sins totally even after praying and asking for it many times over.
The kicker was my husband didn't see it, didn't see my wet hair and couldn't figure out why people kept coming up to me (more than normal that is) and hugging me. He felt like a dunce once I told him and said I should have told him I was going to do it. DUH, had he been in service that day in the first place, since it was a spur of the moment thing he would have seen it and known when I went up. But then again had he been there and everyone been sitting with me I probably never would have. But I forgive him for being silly and thinking I'd decided beforehand and just hadn't told him.
Then gas prices rose to almost $3.00/gallon and that ended our hour drive for church when we went. I knew that if I got off track again I’d be lost once again. So I started looking for a church locally. My husband was and is still not totally back into being at church. So the first one I went to was when he was away and the kids and I went. We enjoyed it. But he wondered where we were when he came back home that morning early as a surprise. We attended there again with him a few weeks later and he was iffy. We tried about 3 other churches and I kept coming back to that one. It was the closest to the home church as we were going to get. I’d had my father-in-law looks at their beliefs and give me his opinion on the church from what he saw. That was a huge step there to take. J So now I’m attached and the kids are too, especially since they have school friends in their classes there. He is still on the fence. I keep praying about it and hoping God will work in him to show him it’s the right place. But I don’t think he is open to it. He questions things and has no problem going on Sunday because he knows he should and its good for the kids to attend church weekly. But he is still looking for something else.
It frustrates me but I need the structure or I’ll fall to the wayside. I know I need to support his decision as a good wife but how do I do that when I feel he isn’t leading us to the right place? I’ve made friends with people other than parents of my kids friends. I need these people in my life to stay on the right path. They help me to find my way.
So thats it. This is about my struggle and my journey with my faith and family. I'm sure I'll end up posting some rants about my kids - it keeps me form wanting to do something that is shouldn't. I love them but they know how to push the wrong buttons.
Listening To: Decemberadio - "Drifter"
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